Can’t tell a canon from a toccata from a fugue?
You can choose music for the wedding ceremony of your dreams even if you don’t know the slightest thing about classical music.
We’ve heard couples say to their musicians “We don’t know anything about music, you choose what you think is best.”
Wow.
Your wedding day is important to you. Why would you want someone else to pick your music for you?
It’s like saying “We don’t know anything about language. You choose the vows you think will be best for us.”
What is “What’s best for us”?
It’s too easy to forget that “what’s best for us” is what best expresses your joy and other feelings! What’s “best for you” isn’t what a musician feels like playing that day.
If you want your ceremony music to be a personal reflection of you, you need to choose the music yourself.
It doesn’t help that for most couples, classical music might as well be a foreign language.
No training required
The point in the comment earlier about vows is that couples choose their vows even though they may not be comfortable writing in “formal language”. They know how to speak and to read and write and really, that’s all that is needed.
It’s no different when it comes to choosing pieces from lists of classical wedding music. You know how to listen. You can recognize music. You are capable of having emotional reactions (joy, sadness, excitement, etc.) to music. That is all you need to be successful!
Really. That’s all you need. If you’d like some extra guidance, check out my Guide to Selecting Memorable Church Wedding Music. It’s full of music ideas, planning tips, and will guide you step-by-step through the process of planning your ceremony music.
Maybe it’s just fear of the unknown?
I think that letting someone else choose your music because “you don’t know anything about music” is just being afraid of the unknown.
If you were afraid of the unknown, would you be getting married? Would you be planning a formal ceremony and a big party afterward?
Are you afraid that by choosing classical wedding music that might be new to your guests you’ll somehow embarrass yourself? That someone will think you’re “getting too fancy” or being pretentious?
To help, here’s what you should remember about classical wedding music
- Relax and reassure yourself that no one is going to judge you. The people at your wedding will be your closest friends and family. They love you and will attend because they care about you and are so very excited for you.
If they hear something that’s new to them, it will be memorable to them—which is exactly what you want!
- Choosing something distinctive and perhaps unfamiliar doesn’t make you pretentious. It shows that you put thought into your music. It shows that you’re resourceful.
But what does choosing overused, familiar music say?
- “Classical” is just a designation or category, just as “country”, “R&B”, rock”, etc.
You don’t need to be an expert in it to either appreciate it or to choose music from the category of “classical” any more than any other category.
Do you need to be an expert in every form of music that you’ll have played at your reception? No, you simply pick it and enjoy it.
The same is true for the classical music for your ceremony. Your goal isn’t to become a connoisseur, just to find music that you can use to express your joy. And you can do that simply by listening to it.
What do you think?
Do you have a fear about classical music for your wedding that’s holding you back? Leave a comment and let’s see if we can you through it. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
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A great article!! It is so lovely to have live music at a wedding. I found a website http://www.wedalert.com/songs/ceremony/index.asp which had an extensive range of music that clients could listen to. I have been known to direct brides to this website, so that they can listen and choose something they really like, or it prompts them to really consider what their tastes are.
It’s interesting, because it isn’t until a couple plan a wedding that clashes in musical tastes become apparent……
Your articles are great. Keep up the good work!!
Thanks for the feedback!
For brides and others planning church weddings, the cited web site is an example of a type of wedding music advice that does not differentiate between church and non-church weddings. That is one of the types of advice I urge brides (& others) to be very cautious of (see my article “Wedding Music Advice To Not Listen To: 5 Examples”. While such advice at first seems wonderful (lots of choices), the lack of differentiation can result in a bride spending a lot of time searching for music and ending up with results that will not necessarily be appropriate for a church.