In the first part of this article, I wrote about how including family and friends in your wedding ceremony is a great way to personalize your wedding and help those close to you express their joy. But it also has a few risks. I suggested thinking about your vision for the ceremony and how friends and family can contribute to that vision.
Here are more discussion tips for including friends & family in your ceremony music plans:
What else will they need?
4. Will your friend/family member need the organist (or pianist, etc.) for accompanying? What will your friend/family member need to perform (microphone, keyboard, piano, music stand, etc.)? Be sure to relay that information to your primary musician.
Don’t make them work for free
5. You’ll need to consider how to deal with the compensation issue. You want to pay fairly, even if this person is a friend or family member! Don’t shortchange someone simply because of a family connection! That would be insulting and awkward.
If the person is young, such as a college student or younger, you might consider gift cards or something unique beside merely cash.
Make sure they take it seriously
6. Be to convey a sense of importance to your family or friend musician. Some family and friend musicians I’ve worked with have taken their roles too lightly (“Oh, she won’t care”). The wedding, while it is a joyous festive day, requires serious planning and work.
Don’t feel bad for setting expectations (e.g., “I’ve asked you to play because I know you’ll do a super job. I want you to play your flute at my wedding just like you play it for your school’s orchestra”).
Will they change their mind?
7. Be open to your friend or family member possibly changing his/her mind and backing out. This has happened in my experience due to either a lack of time, nerves, or wanting to be involved with the wedding party in another way. But it’s only fair to you as the bride, that this friend/family member let you know at least three weeks before the wedding so you (or your organist) have time to implement “Plan B”.
Follow-up
8. Follow up periodically. Ask “How the music coming?” or “Are you still good with playing/singing”? Sometimes people, after committing to participating, would like to back out but are afraid to say anything. Be sensitive to that and accepting. Talk with your organist and have a “Plan B” musician in mind.
Final thoughts
Dealing with family and friends can be exciting and a lot of fun. Including a friend or family in your ceremony can give you a very personal and memorable wedding.
But watch out for the risks and potential to change the dynamics of the relationship. Be sensitive to this before and after asking friends or family members to participate. You want your wedding day to be spectacular, the music to be joyous and for everyone involved to be excited in sharing your joy!
Do you have any experiences (first- or secondhand) with including friend or family members as wedding ceremony musicians? Leave a comment and share. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
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