Including family and friends in your wedding ceremony can be exciting and a lot of fun! Many memories are formed when working with people you’re close to, particularly in the context of a special family event.
But there are also some things to consider to make it all go smoothly. This article will help you include family members or friends as your ceremony musicians.
Keep the bigger picture in mind
Before you ask the person, think about the big picture for a moment and ask yourself these questions:
- What level or quality of music do you want?
- Can the person play (or sing) at the level you want or might the person’s music detract from all the rest of the ceremony’s music?
- Does the person’s instrument or style match what you want in the ceremony?It might be a courteous gesture to ask, but if it’s not what you’re looking for, don’t feel obliged to ask.
- Would having that person play put your relative or friend in an awkward or embarrassing situation?
- Would asking one relative or friend over another cause any relational issues?
These are questions ultimately you need to answer. Who you choose makes a difference; there’s more to it than merely asking.
But using family members or friends is a great way to further personalize your ceremony and give talented friends or family an opportunity to express their joy for your marriage! So if you decide to ask, here are some tips for meeting with your friend or family musician:
Planning tips
Context will play a big part in how this meeting plays out. There are many talented musicians out there. I’ve played in and attended weddings in which the couple used gifted friends from college: cellists, flutists, trumpet players, harpists, brass quintets, and others, and the music was spectacular!
Is their skill level right for the job?
1. Ascertain the level of music they can play before assigning music to them. This may consist of an “audition,” asking a parent, asking the musician what could be done, etc. You may need to change the piece of music (or song) to fit the skill level of your friend/family member.
If the person doesn’t have a repertoire of music or have the piece you’re considering, ask your primary musician (e.g., organist) for suggestions on arrangements suitable for a particular skill level (playing in the school band or singing karaoke is far different in style from most music you’ll hear in a church).
How much time do they need to commit?
2. How much time can they dedicate toward playing/learning this music? They might like to play the music, but they may have a job, a family, schooling–things that consume time and can interfere with practice time. Any musician, whether family, friend, or even the church’s musician, should commit ample time to practicing your music for optimal performance. If they cannot commit to practicing, you might consider asking someone else.
Will they still be able to enjoy your wedding day?
3. Your family-friend musician may be good, but be careful not to overload him/her with too many music selections so that he or she can still enjoy the excitement of the wedding day. If this person is the primary musician there obviously will be many musical selections and there’s no way around that. But otherwise, he or she will appreciate you being sensitive to the workload.
Up next…part 2
In the next part of this article, I’ll have 5 more discussion tips for your friends & family musicians! Don’t forget to check back. Add Wedding Music Unveiled to your Google Reader or other RSS reader so that you won’t miss a thing. Just click on the link under “Get Automatic Updates” or the RSS icon.
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