If you just can’t find the right ceremony music for your wedding or you’re incredibly busy, you may be tempted to just ask your musician to pick something for you.

Don’t worry. All hope for having memorable ceremony music that reflects you is not completely lost (see Music That Reflects You) if you decide to do this!

But there are a few things to think about before you ask to make sure you actually get results you’re looking for (and not simply offloading a task to someone else).

Does your musician have the right experience to pick your music?

First, make sure the musician you ask has experience with the kind of wedding ceremony you’ll be having.

Musicians that routinely play for outdoor or ballroom ceremonies but have never played a wedding at your church (or even in a church) won’t know what sounds good there and might not share your vision for the ceremony.

Tell them what you’re looking for

Second, be sure to tell them what moods and styles you’re looking for, even if it’s nothing more than just “quiet” or “festive”.

Give them something to go on or they’ll just pick standard wedding repertoire for you. This won’t likely result in distinctive, memorable music that reflects you (it’ll reflect them and their choices!).

Give them a good starting point

Next, is there music you’ve found during your search that is at least similar to what you want?

A starting point like this rather than “I want something happy” will be much more likely to result in choices you’ll be pleased with.

Share your thoughts

Are you thinking about asking your musician to choose ceremony music instead of picking it yourself? Please leave a comment saying why (is it lack of time? is it difficulty finding the right piece? lack of musical knowledge?).

If you happen to be a musician reading this, what is it you like to know when someone asks you to help select their music?

Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

Who doesn’t love a good disaster story?

When it comes to wedding disaster stories, I like them because there’s often a lesson that can be learned. And when there’s a lesson, some good can come from what may have been an awful experience for those involved.

In that spirit, here’s another wedding music disaster story. From the lesson come three specific tips you can use in your wedding planning.

The Story

At the wedding ceremony, no one provided the musicians with a copy of the wedding program.

By itself, this wasn’t a big deal. But if the musicians had seen the program, one of them could have noticed that the bride had switched the location in the ceremony where the vocal solo was to be sung.

She hadn’t told the musicians about the change. I don’t know if this was an oversight or she thought they’d see it in the program.

Regardless, they weren’t prepared for the change.

When the time for the solo came, they just sat there because they didn’t know. Eventually after a long period of awkward silence, probably sensing what had happened, the minister announced that the solo “would now be sung”. Then came the scrambling as the musicians hurried into position.

I’m sure their performance was not what it could (or should) have been.

As disaster stories go, this one is pretty mild (fortunately for all involved!). It certainly could have been much worse. But it was still an unnecessarily awkward situation.

The lesson to be learned

The obvious lesson here is that communication is critical.

The wedding program wasn’t the ideal way for the musicians to find out about the change. But it was a last chance to spot trouble.

I emphasize communication between you, your musicians and your church in my six wedding music planning steps that you’ll find in my Guide to Selecting Memorable Church Wedding Music. It’s all geared toward making sure your ceremony turns out perfect.

Tips to avoid wedding music trouble

Here are three tips that would have prevented all this:

1. Set a deadline for yourself to declare your ceremony music details “final”. When you get to this point, inform the musicians of your final plans and tell them it’s final. If you absolutely must make changes after this point, check with your musicians first.

2. Pick someone on your wedding day to provide actual, final wedding programs to the musicians. Do this even if you don’t list the music and even if using the church’s musicians.

One of my experiences: Before the ceremony, I hadn’t been given a program, but I wanted one so that I could review it for any unexpected surprises. The guests were already arriving but I couldn’t find one anyone who knew where they were. We finally found someone who knew that the bride’s parents had them locked in their car.

After tracking them down with just five minutes before I needed to start playing music, I finally got my program!

3. Send draft copies of the program to your musicians well in advance for their feedback. In addition to bringing issues to light quickly, it can help spot both big and small mistakes.

Do you have more tips?

What do you think? What communication problems have you seen (or seen narrowly averted) in your wedding ceremony planning? What other tips do you have to share?

By the way, are we connected on Twitter or Facebook yet?

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

You’d like your wedding ceremony to be filled with joy and drama-free, right?

Here’s a wedding music tip for you that could help prevent an awkward or even possibly disastrous ceremony. If you’re using an amateur musician in your ceremony, think about this.

Anyone can be nervous

Almost everyone can get nervous before a big event. Athletes, performers, speakers can all suffer from being nervous. Even you, before your wedding ceremony will probably be nervous! It takes determination to get through it.

Professional musicians can also be affected, so amateur musicians can be affected even more so. And since amateurs usually don’t have the training or experience that professionals do to help overcome it, nervousness can lead to big problems.

A friend or family-member musician may be extra nervous because of their relationship to you and may put extra pressure on themselves.

You want to do whatever possible to put your amateur musicians at ease.

A tip to help put nervous musicians at ease

If you think this could be a concern (and you can usually figure it out from their situation), you want to make sure that you don’t have a ceremony marred by a musician struggling to get through a piece of music.

So here’s my tip: Invite the amateur musician to your wedding rehearsal and have them play or sing there.

This will help them get comfortable with the surroundings. It gives them an audience, helping them feel more at ease and boosting their confidence.

Even if their part of the ceremony isn’t a significant part of the rehearsal, you can still have them play or sing while another part is rehearsed.

For example, have a vocal soloist sing while you’re rehearsing something else, such as the processional (if your processional musician isn’t there or doesn’t specifically need to rehearse their part). You might need to make sure the accompanist is present (who might already be present). But this is a small detail compared to the pain or awkwardness of a difficult performance during the ceremony.

Trust me, your heart will go out to your friend or relative if they start struggling.

Not using amateur musicians isn’t the answer

Some churches or pro musicians will just suggest the solution of not using amateur musicians. Instead, I suggest just doing all you can to make their contribution to your joy-filled day a little easier!

What do you think?

What other tips do you have for helping a nervous musician? What experiences have you had with nervous musicians (including if you’ve been one yourself!)? Leave your thoughts below!

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

How far along are you with your wedding ceremony music planning?

Are you like most people I’ve talked with and feel hopelessly behind because your wedding date is getting so close?

If your church wedding is less than 2 months away and you don’t have musicians and music finalized yet, you’re not alone.

But you are in the danger zone. I don’t mean to scare you (I know you’ve got plenty on your plate as it is). You’re at the point where it may become difficult to find a musician, to work out the ceremony music selections or even for the musician to get copies of and practice (or learn, if necessary) the music in the time remaining.

Survival tips

Here are some tips for maximizing your very limited remaining music planning time—getting the best results and keeping your stress levels as low as possible.

• First and foremost, if you don’t have your musicians lined up, start on that now! Set up a meeting with the musician at the church where you’ll be getting married. If not available for your ceremony, ask for referrals.

• Start your music selecting right away (hopefully you’ve got the fundamental decisions about the ceremony already sorted out and have an idea of what’s important to you)

• Work on your music selections in order of most important to least important. For many couples, this order is: Bridal processional, bridal party processional, recessional, music during the ceremony (such as a vocal solo), prelude music, postlude music.

• Consider not having any musicians other than your primary musician (usually your organist or pianist) to keep things simple (i.e., no instrumentalists). If you do want other musicians, I suggest you ask your primary musician for recommendations rather than trying to find someone yourself.

• Try to limit your music selections to pieces the musician already knows. There just isn’t much practice time (unless the musician has a wide open schedule, which is rare).

• Stay on top of things! Be proactive. There simply isn’t time to wait for issues to pop up and then deal with them. The more issues you can prevent from becoming problems, the more of your precious time you’ll save and the better off you’ll be.

• Stay focused on what’s important to you.

• Use Wedding Music Unveiled’s free, downloadable ceremony music planning checklist to help prevent problems and save you time!

• You will have very little time to finalize your music. There is no time for indecision: once you tell your musician your selections, change or juggle music selections only if you really must. Dropping a piece or moving it to a new location in the ceremony is an easy change to make. But think very carefully about adding any pieces.

• Start your final preparations (refer to the checklist) as soon as you can. Don’t wait until the week of your ceremony!

• Keep in close communication with your musicians and your church: make sure they are clear on your music selections, especially if you do end up making any changes. Don’t make any changes final (e.g. list them in the wedding program) until you’ve discussed and confirmed the changes with musicians and church.

These tips are from the “Timelines” bonus chapter, part of the Guide to Selecting Memorable Church Wedding Music, though I simplified some of them so that I wouldn’t need to go into detail about my recommended 6 phases of wedding music planning (but which you will find in the free checklist download).

Does this work for you?

Do you find yourself in this situation? Will these tips help you? What other ideas do you have to save time? I’d love to hear your suggestions. Your comments are always encouraged and appreciated.

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

Here’s a tip for you that if you do nothing else to plan your wedding music, your music will be much better off!

Last time, I provided a list of questions to ask your wedding musician.

That reminded me of this tip for you.

Goal 1 for musician: Handle your music

Some of those questions were geared toward making sure your can musician handle the music you want played. This is important for several reasons because any musician can be challenged my music sometimes. Maybe there’s not enough time to learn it, or maybe it challenges their skill level.

These both can be true for professionals and amateurs alike.

If your asking for something beyond the standard wedding repertoire (and please do!), you want to make sure your musician can deliver what you’re expecting for. And even if you’re not drifting too far from wedding “standards”, there’s a lot of music out there.

Not every musician already knows every piece.

All that is just one reason why this next tip is important. There is still another reason I’ll get to next.

Tip

Ask to hear your musician play the music you’ve selected for your ceremony.

Goal 2 for musician: Deliver what you want to hear

The second reason to do this is more than just making sure that you won’t have a major problem when your wedding day arrives. It’s also to make sure you’ll be satisfied with the results.

Every musician has a different style.

Some musicians tend to play things fast, some slow. Some have a more lively, expressive style than others. They each have their own perfectly valid interpretations of the music (there is no “right” way to play a piece).

If you are envisioning a certain sound for your wedding music, make sure you’ll be getting the sound you’re looking for by hearing them play it.

The instrument a musician plays also makes a difference in how piece will sound. A perfectly good organist or pianist will work hard to make the best of the organ or piano in your church, but the results could still not be what you’re looking for (not every organ sounds the same and some are in better shape than others).

It’s better to recognize the issue ahead of time and see what the musician can do. There might be things that can be done or there might not. When there isn’t much that can be done, it’s better to know early on. You can decide what your backup plan will be.

For example, you might want to use the church’s piano, but it might be out of tune or placed in an inconvenient location. If tuning it or moving will not be possible or practical (and that may very well be the case), then wouldn’t you rather decide early on your “plan B”?

Or you might be able to ask the musicians to play a piece faster (or slower). Within reason, such requests should not be a problem and most musicians will be accommodating to help you achieve the ceremony you’re dreaming of (and planning for).

For more

For more helpful tips, consider signing up for our wedding music email newsletter. When you do, you’ll be able to download our wedding music planning checklist right away for free.

For even more, and a lot more helpful tips plus tons of music ideas, consider our church wedding music planning guide. It’s full of 75+ pages of information. Over 20 of those pages are just music ideas!

If you have any thoughts, please leave a comment. They’re always appreciated!

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

Have you ever planned a church wedding ceremony before?

Probably not. If this is all new to you, you need to be shown what to tell your musicians and to ask your musicians. Asking questions will help make sure your ceremony is what you wanted. It doesn’t all just happen by magic, after all.

Some musicians will work closely with you, guiding you through the process and keeping you well-informed. Others (especially when they’re busy—and who isn’t these days?) will assume that if you don’t ask, everything is OK on your end and you’re not looking for information.

Stay in control for best results

It’s much better to be prepared and in control of the whole process.

In an earlier article, I gave you a list of information to provide your wedding musician (especially your church musician) for productive initial discussions. This is a great way to be in control of the process.

In this article, I’ll continue with questions to ask your musician.

You’ll be guided through the process of working with musicians in my new step-by-step church wedding music guide!

To keep this post short, I included the explanations behind these questions in my email newsletter. This is just one example of the extra tips and information you can get by signing up! Avoid missing out on extra helpful material by signing up in the box below or on the right-hand side of the screen near the top.

16 questions

Here are questions to ask as you’re considering a musician or starting to work with them.

• Do they have a set repertoire they’ll only play from or will they work with you on the music you want?
• Do they think they’ll be able to play the music you want?
• How much will their services cost? Is there a set fee? What are the payment terms (amount and payment schedule)?
• Are they available for the ceremony rehearsal (if you know you want them at the rehearsal).
• How many weddings have they played for (or how often do they play for weddings)?
• Have they played for a wedding in this church before? If not, have they played for a wedding in your church’s denomination (such as Roman Catholic, Lutheran, etc.)?
• When do we need to make our agreement official and what does that involve?
• Do they already have the sheet music for the pieces you know you want?
• Have they worked with the other musicians that you plan to have?

Here are some questions to ask later on, as your wedding plans are progressing:

• How’s the music coming along? Are any pieces proving to be troublesome (either difficult to learn or difficult to find sheet music for)?
• Are rehearsals needed with other musicians (when you’ll be having musicians playing together—including even just a singer and an accompanist)? Are the rehearsals scheduled yet?
• Does the rehearsal need to be at the church?
• Do you think we have the right amount of music planned for the ceremony?
• What concerns do they have?
• What information do they need from you?
• What will they need at the church to perform?

Be sure to sign up for the email newsletter for more about these questions in the next mailing.

Your thoughts?

Can you think of other questions to ask? Please leave a comment. As with all comments, it will be appreciated!

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

Are you getting married this year? How far along is your ceremony music planning?

If you haven’t already met with your church musician to start working on your wedding music, you really need to think about doing so in the very near future. Doing so will help ensure you are still able to have the distinctive and memorable ceremony music you’ve dreamed of.

Why you shouldn’t wait any longer

Wait much longer and your musicians may not have time to prepare music beyond the usual wedding standards. They’ll be busy preparing for other weddings. They’ll have made vacation plans. Or they won’t have enough time to practice or learn the pieces and still get done everything else they need to do.

But even if the usual wedding standards are all that you’re looking for, practice time is still required and you will need to make sure he or she is available.

Do you have much time left?

You probably know off the top of your head how many weeks (or even days) until your wedding. But if you don’t, look at the calendar and count the remaining weeks.

How many hours do you spend (or are you able to spend) each week on wedding planning? There’s really not that much time left, is there? And you haven’t started to squeeze in music yet?

Pick up the phone now or send an email now to schedule your first meeting. Don’t wait any longer. Unless of course, you haven’t even had your first meeting with your church yet. You’ll want to have that meeting first. See this article on preparing to meet with your church for the first time.

And if you’re really this far behind, download my free wedding music planning checklist. You’ll need a tool like this to make sure that details don’t get overlooked. Just add your name and email address to the box in the upper right corner of the web site. Also consider my church wedding music for music ideas, how-to tips and lots of other valuable information.

Once your meeting with your church musician is scheduled, you can make the discussion more effective by being prepared. Be prepared to be asked some questions about your ceremony. Be prepared to discuss what you’re looking for.

Have this information ready

If you’re prepared to discuss these items, you’ll be in great shape. Don’t be afraid if you don’t know the answer to all questions—these will be areas where you can ask for help! Don’t think you have to walk in with all the answers, just be prepared:

• How big will the wedding be?
• Size of bridal party
• Do you want one or two processionals?
• Ceremony date & time
• Rehearsal date & time
• Do you want the church musician at the rehearsal? (I generally recommend this)
• Your contact info & how you prefer to be contacted
• What pieces of music you already have in mind
• Do you want a vocal solo? What do you have in mind?
• What’s your vision for the ceremony music? (includes moods, types of music, ideas for primary–such as organ or piano, secondary instruments, etc.)
• How much music you want for the ceremony

Take action

Commit to yourself to scheduling a meeting with your church musician (if you still need to) within a day or two.

If you’re already well on your way toward your wedding, what other information did you discuss with your church musician in your first meeting? What other advice do you have that would be helpful for couples still getting started?

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

Be careful not to assume your church wedding musician gets paid to play for your wedding by the church.

It’s normal to not realize that what your church pays its musicians (e.g., music director, organists, pianists) does not cover playing for weddings, if they even get paid! This is especially easy to misunderstand when getting married in a somewhat or completely unfamiliar church.

Weddings are on their own time

The musician is likely expected to play for weddings and their rehearsals but the payment for this doesn’t come from the church.

This isn’t true in every case, of course. A church may collect a set fee on behalf of musicians, but even that is intended to make up for weddings not being included in their salaries (if they are actually employed by the church, which many aren’t).

Playing for a wedding takes a lot of time

So the musician plays for weddings, attends rehearsals and often practices on his or her own time. When additional musicians (such as soloists) are used, rehearsals are necessary, requiring even more time. Whether employed by the church or employed elsewhere, very few have much spare time to start with!

Many smaller churches don’t even have a staff musician, relying instead on volunteers who probably have a full-time job. In this case, it is even more important to recognize how much of their time is sacrificed by playing for a wedding.

Just as you expect to pay your florist, reception DJ or others what their time is worth, be sure your wedding budget includes a fair payment for your ceremony musician.

To get more helpful advice on finding and paying your wedding musicians, check out my Guide to Selecting Memorable Church Wedding Music.

What helpful information do you have?

What’s a fair rate for a ceremony musician where you live (it varies widely)? Share your knowledge with fellow readers. I appreciate hearing from you!

© 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

In the first part of this article, I wrote about how including family and friends in your wedding ceremony is a great way to personalize your wedding and help those close to you express their joy. But it also has a few risks. I suggested thinking about your vision for the ceremony and how friends and family can contribute to that vision.

Here are more discussion tips for including friends & family in your ceremony music plans:

What else will they need?

4. Will your friend/family member need the organist (or pianist, etc.) for accompanying? What will your friend/family member need to perform (microphone, keyboard, piano, music stand, etc.)? Be sure to relay that information to your primary musician.

Don’t make them work for free

5. You’ll need to consider how to deal with the compensation issue. You want to pay fairly, even if this person is a friend or family member! Don’t shortchange someone simply because of a family connection!  That would be insulting and awkward.

If the person is young, such as a college student or younger, you might consider gift cards or something unique beside merely cash.

Make sure they take it seriously

6. Be to convey a sense of importance to your family or friend musician. Some family and friend musicians I’ve worked with have taken their roles too lightly (“Oh, she won’t care”). The wedding, while it is a joyous festive day, requires serious planning and work.

Don’t feel bad for setting expectations (e.g., “I’ve asked you to play because I know you’ll do a super job. I want you to play your flute at my wedding just like you play it for your school’s orchestra”).

Will they change their mind?

7. Be open to your friend or family member possibly changing his/her mind and backing out. This has happened in my experience due to either a lack of time, nerves, or wanting to be involved with the wedding party in another way. But it’s only fair to you as the bride, that this friend/family member let you know at least three weeks before the wedding so you (or your organist) have time to implement “Plan B”.

Follow-up

8. Follow up periodically. Ask “How the music coming?” or “Are you still good with playing/singing”? Sometimes people, after committing to participating, would like to back out but are afraid to say anything. Be sensitive to that and accepting. Talk with your organist and have a “Plan B” musician in mind.

Final thoughts

Dealing with family and friends can be exciting and a lot of fun. Including a friend or family in your ceremony can give you a very personal and memorable wedding.

But watch out for the risks and potential to change the dynamics of the relationship. Be sensitive to this before and after asking friends or family members to participate. You want your wedding day to be spectacular, the music to be joyous and for everyone involved to be excited in sharing your joy!

Do you have any experiences (first- or secondhand) with including friend or family members as wedding ceremony musicians? Leave a comment and share. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!

© 2009 – 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.

Including family and friends in your wedding ceremony can be exciting and a lot of fun! Many memories are formed when working with people you’re close to, particularly in the context of a special family event.

But there are also some things to consider to make it all go smoothly. This article will help you include family members or friends as your ceremony musicians.

Keep the bigger picture in mind

Before you ask the person, think about the big picture for a moment and ask yourself these questions:

• What level or quality of music do you want?
• Can the person play (or sing) at the level you want or might the person’s music detract from all the rest of the ceremony’s music?
• Does the person’s instrument or style match what you want in the ceremony?It might be a courteous gesture to ask, but if it’s not what you’re looking for, don’t feel obliged to ask.
• Would having that person play put your relative or friend in an awkward or embarrassing situation?
• Would asking one relative or friend over another cause any relational issues?

These are questions ultimately you need to answer. Who you choose makes a difference; there’s more to it than merely asking.

But using family members or friends is a great way to further personalize your ceremony and give talented friends or family an opportunity to express their joy for your marriage! So if you decide to ask, here are some tips for meeting with your friend or family musician:

Planning tips

Context will play a big part in how this meeting plays out. There are many talented musicians out there. I’ve played in and attended weddings in which the couple used gifted friends from college: cellists, flutists, trumpet players, harpists, brass quintets, and others, and the music was spectacular!

Is their skill level right for the job?

1. Ascertain the level of music they can play before assigning music to them. This may consist of an “audition,” asking a parent, asking the musician what could be done, etc. You may need to change the piece of music (or song) to fit the skill level of your friend/family member.

If the person doesn’t have a repertoire of music or have the piece you’re considering, ask your primary musician (e.g., organist) for suggestions on arrangements suitable for a particular skill level (playing in the school band or singing karaoke is far different in style from most music you’ll hear in a church).

How much time do they need to commit?

2. How much time can they dedicate toward playing/learning this music? They might like to play the music, but they may have a job, a family, schooling–things that consume time and can interfere with practice time. Any musician, whether family, friend, or even the church’s musician, should commit ample time to practicing your music for optimal performance. If they cannot commit to practicing, you might consider asking someone else.

Will they still be able to enjoy your wedding day?

3. Your family-friend musician may be good, but be careful not to overload him/her with too many music selections so that he or she can still enjoy the excitement of the wedding day. If this person is the primary musician there obviously will be many musical selections and there’s no way around that. But otherwise, he or she will appreciate you being sensitive to the workload.

Up next…part 2

In the next part of this article, I’ll have 5 more discussion tips for your friends & family musicians! Don’t forget to check back. Add Wedding Music Unveiled to your Google Reader or other RSS reader so that you won’t miss a thing. Just click on the link under “Get Automatic Updates” or the RSS icon.

© 2009 – 2010, Wedding Music Unveiled. All rights reserved.