Save yourself some time by being prepared for your first meeting with your church. A good first meeting with your church is an important step toward the memorable and disaster-free ceremony you’re after.
Knowing what to expect in the meeting will help you to be prepared.
The meeting is all about communication:
- Communication to the church of your vision for the ceremony and
- Communication to you of the church’s expectations for the ceremony.
To best help you understand the church’s expectations when you hear them, keep in mind the purpose of a church wedding (see What Everyone Ought To Know About Choosing Church Wedding Music), the symbolism of the church wedding, and the context of music in the church.
Clear communication between you and the church will serve you well (and avoid unnecessary surprises). To help you communicate your desires for the ceremony, be organized and think through what you want in your ceremony.
Wedding Music Unveiled’s church wedding music how-to guide, including the popular church wedding music planning checklist will help you be organized and prepared!
Who you’ll meet with
Depending upon how your selected church handles its wedding planning process, your first meeting with the church may be with the church secretary, a wedding coordinator or clergy.
Regardless, the details you discuss and the initial ceremony planning you do together will be same. For this article, I’ll assume your meeting is with a wedding coordinator.
In the church where I’m the music director, the couple meets first with a wedding coordinator and handles scheduling, policies & planning, and ceremony details.
Depending on the church, marriage counseling sessions with the pastor, minister or priest may also need to be scheduled. I’ll focus on ceremony planning.
What to expect from the first meeting
The first meeting lays down the basics for having a wedding in your particular church. It addresses scheduling (the desired dates for the ceremony and rehearsal), policies, fees and simple ground rules.
The scheduling step is important: Don’t assume the date you’ve chosen is available!
Be sure the wedding coordinator checks the church’s calendar and confirms your date before printing your invitations or making other plans. Too often I’ve seen a couple request a date already taken by another couple or when the church is unavailable for other reasons.
At my church, the wedding coordinator then provides the couple with the church’s Wedding Manual and reviews its main points (policies, guidelines, fees, etc.). Your church will likely provide something similar (at least verbally if not on paper). Be sure understand the key points.
Tip: Know what ceremony details which are important to you (our wedding music guide and checklist walks you through this step).
You’ll be better prepared and make sure details (especially ones important to you) aren’t overlooked and possibly have your ceremony come off seeming unplanned or sloppy!
Lastly, the wedding coordinator links the couple with both the minister who will perform the wedding and the music director.
As music director, I’ll meet the couple and set up our first meeting (see the article “The First Meeting with Your Church Musician”).
In your case, if you’re not introduced, set up a meeting with the musician as soon as possible to get your ceremony scheduled on their calendar and to start working the ceremony music details.
You might be looking outside the church for your primary musician (e.g., organist), especially if your church has no full-time music staff. In this case, the musician may not be associated with your church. Inquire about church policies concerning outside musicians.
A second meeting with the church
At my church, we always schedule a second meeting with the wedding coordinator, usually about two months prior to the wedding.
If your church doesn’t suggest a second meeting, I’d highly recommend doing so anyway. By this point, plans have progressed since the initial meeting and I recommend this second meeting to review and confirm various logistics of the wedding service (for instance, how the bride and wedding party will enter, seating of guests and parents/family, use of a unity candle, to make sure music details are progressing well, and to review the wedding ceremony itself–which usually needs approval by the minister).
Wrapping up
Remember that much of your wedding day preparations is simply a matter of communication and being organized. It’s nothing to be afraid of. And Wedding Music Unveiled is here to help you make your ceremony unique, special and very memorable!
…and also simple for you to plan!
What questions do you have or experiences have you had in working with the church in planning a wedding? Please leave a comment and share. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
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