Save yourself some time by being prepared for your first meeting with your church. A good first meeting with your church is an important step toward the memorable and disaster-free ceremony you’re after.
Knowing what to expect in the meeting will help you to be prepared.
The meeting is all about communication: communication to the church of your vision for the ceremony and communication to you of the church’s expectations for the ceremony. Keeping in mind the purpose for the church wedding (see What Everyone Ought To Know About Choosing Church Wedding Music), the symbolism of the church wedding, and the context of music in the church will help you understand the church’s expectations when you hear them.
Clear communication between you and the church will serve you well (and avoid unnecessary surprises). To help you communicate your desires for the ceremony, be organized. Wedding Music Unveiled‘s free downloadable Wedding Music Planning Checklist will help you be organized.
Who you’ll meet with
Depending upon how the church you’ve selected handles its wedding planning process, your first meeting with the church (your point of contact) may be with the church secretary, a wedding coordinator or even clergy. Regardless, the details you discuss and the planning you do together will be same. For this article, I’ll assume your meeting is with a wedding coordinator.
In the church where I’m the music director, the couple (often it’s just the bride) meets first with a wedding coordinator, who schedules an additional meeting: the first deals with scheduling, policies & planning and the second deals with ceremony details. Depending on the church, marriage counseling sessions with the pastor, minister or priest may also need to be scheduled. I’ll focus on ceremony planning.
The first meeting
The first meeting lays down the basics for having a wedding in your particular church. It addresses scheduling, policies, fees and simple ground rules.
For scheduling, the couple communicates the desired date for the ceremony.
This is important: Don’t assume the the date you’ve chosen is available! Be sure the wedding coordinator checks the church’s calendar and confirms your date before printing your invitations or making other plans. Too often I’ve seen a couple request a date already taken by another couple or when the church is unavailable for other reasons.
At my church, the wedding coordinator then provides the couple with the church’s Wedding Manual and reviews its main points (the Wedding Manual is a booklet containing the church’s policies and guidelines for weddings as well as the fee structure). Assume your church will provide something similar (at least verbally if not on paper). If you really want to be prepared, ask for a copy in advance you can be prepared and plan accordingly. Either way, be sure to read it and understand what it has to say!
Tip: Review Phase I of our Wedding Music Planning Checklist to discuss ceremony details which are important to you. Some churches are more informal in their approaches. In such a case, you’ll be prepared by reviewing the checklist and can prevent problems. You don’t want details to be overlooked or have your ceremony come off seeming unplanned or sloppy!
Lastly, the wedding coordinator links the couple with both the minister who will perform the wedding and the music director. I’ll meet the couple and set up our first meeting (see the article “The First Meeting with Your Church Musician”). In your case, set up a meeting with the musician as soon as possible to get your ceremony scheduled on their calendar and to start working the ceremony music details.
You might be looking outside the church for your primary musician (e.g., organist), especially if your church has no full-time music staff. In this case, the musician may not be associated with your church. Inquire about church policies concerning outside musicians.
Regardless whether you’ll have an on-staff musician or outside musician, make contact as soon as possible!
Second time around
At my church, we always schedule a second meeting with the wedding coordinator, usually about two months prior to the wedding.
If your church doesn’t suggest a second meeting, I’d highly recommend doing so anyway. Plans have progressed since the initial meeting and I recommend another meeting to review and confirm various logistics of the wedding service (for instance, how the bride and wedding party will enter, seating of guests and parents/family, use of a unity candle, to make sure music details are progressing well, review the wedding ceremony itself–which usually needs approval by the minister).
If the couple has chosen some songs for the ceremony, the wedding coordinator can ensure the songs and their lyrics are appropriate for use in the church (especially if you’re using an outside musician).
Wrapping up
So this is what to expect from the first (and second) meeting with the church. Remember that much of your wedding day preparations is simply a matter of communication and being organized. It’s nothing to be afraid of. You can do it, and do it well! That’s why Wedding Music Unveiled is here: to help you make your ceremony unique, special and very memorable!
What questions do you have or experiences have you had in working with the church in planning a wedding? Please leave a comment and share. Your comments are always welcome and appreciated!
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